In writing this blog I often try to find the perfect picture, which I’ll then edit just right. I look for a beautiful font, with the right colors. I work on creating the softest flow of sentences I can, with hopefully a touch of inspiration. I’ll make sure to research the ideal keywords for the best google search results. Then I’ll edit it all some more, and then some more again. Eventually I hit publish and proceed to share it on every social media network I’m a member of.
I want it all to be as perfect as I can make it. I want to know I gave it my very best. Even if it is just a silly little blog post.
And in that strive for perfection… I haven’t blogged for 4 weeks.
Life got insanely busy. Back at a law firm full time plus raising a baby and all the errands, chores, feedings, and sleepless nights that go with it, have left me… exhausted.
And so I couldn’t write, not in the Type-A can’t leave any detail behind kind of way that I like to. I’ve had zero time for perfection. And so I’ve been letting more and more things go. More and more slips through the cracks, cracks that I’ve allowed to open, so that I have more room to breathe.
And so I’ve been thinking about these little details and my obsession with them. And I’ve been asking myself tough questions like if I can’t do things the way I want, should I just not do them at all?
And I’ve started to realize that maybe one of the things that holds many of us back the most in life is our obsession with perfectionism.
We wait for the timing of things to be just right. We wait until we’re fully comfortable. We wait until all the stars align just perfectly. And in all that waiting, there is no forward motion.
I’ve been wondering how I can do it all, trying to find the secret formula to getting everything done now that I’m a mama. Being a wife, a mother, a friend, a provider, etc. Trying to do each to my best yet often feeling like I’m failing at them all, and wondering what else I need to drop from my life in order to find balance.
It took me some time to realize that perhaps what I need to drop is simply trying to get it all done perfectly.
Last Sunday I made my baby over a month’s worth of homemade organic baby food. I felt this need to go above and beyond. To make sure she’s thriving during all the hours I’m away from her when I’m at work.
And as I looked in my freezer at all the brightly colored purees I had stacked up for her I laughed at myself. Did I really need to do ALL that? Who am I trying to prove my good mama-hood to? Is it my guilt for being back at work and away from her that made me go to such lengths? All I know is that what I really needed to do on Sunday was take a nap, instead of pureeing for 4 hours…
So in the wake of all this self-realization, I am going to make an effort to not bog myself down in the paralyzing quest for perfection. A quest that exists completely in our minds. A quest that sets us up for failure before we even begin. A quest that stops us dead in our tracks.
I write this blog because I love writing, and I love helping people to feel better about themselves. I would hate to stop doing something I love just because I can’t do it exactly the way I’d want to in my ideal fantasy world.
So I’m going to try to be the best wife, mother, friend, lawyer, blogger, etc. that I can be while embracing that it’s all going to be a little rough around the edges.
And maybe what we find when we stop waiting for perfection, is that perfection already exists within our imperfectly rough edges.
Do you ever allow yourself to get bogged down in trying to achieve perfection? Does it ever stop you from even starting?
P.S. I hope this post looks okay