I haven’t been totally open with you all. There are challenges I face as a new online business owner that totally overwhelm me sometimes. The root of those challenges are… me. I am, at my core, a shy introvert. I’ve mentioned this briefly in previous posts, but even then I was afraid to totally let you know how fundamentally this affects me.
Awhile back I wrote a guest blog for the beloved Crazy Sexy Life called Shy Girl’s Manifesto. When I wrote for Crazy Sexy Life once before, I happily shared it with you all. But with this post, revealing the depth to which my shyness has penetrated my life, I was too shy to share it with you, despite its positive message. Ironic I know considering the immense readership of Crazy Sexy Life. But still, the people reading it weren’t my readers, they weren’t you. The thought of sharing it with you made me feel too vulnerable, like you might see my weaknesses and realize how fragile I really am.
I’m writing this to you today because the introvert in me has really been taking over. As much as I enjoyed throwing that big contest for you in April, it was a whole lotta putting myself out there all over the place online. Adrenaline got me through it, but when it finally ended, the inner introvert in me was not a happy camper and wanted revenge. At the very least, it wanted me to go deep into hiding to recover. If it was up to my inner introvert, it would be months before I came out!
I’m not writing this post to give you any tips or to tell you all the benefits or downfalls that come with being a shy girl. You can read Shy Girl’s Manifesto for that if you’re interested; in it I discuss the beauty I’ve found in being shy and how I no longer view it as a weakness, it’s merely a character trait that comes with its own set of strengths and weaknesses, like everything else. I’m simply sharing this with you for the sake of sharing. As far as I’ve come with my shyness since I was a young girl, it will always be my spiritual core. It is the foundation upon which I’ve been built. Being an introverted lawyer was one thing, I was holed up in my office all the time, it was quite comfortable for me. Being an introverted online business owner is a whole different animal. If I didn’t have an immense passion for my business and for animal welfare, you’d likely never see me blogging online. Before starting this company I wouldn’t even use facebook. But my passion is bigger than me and I’m grateful for that; it forces me to extend and challenge myself in ways I never would have otherwise, ways that I find very fulfilling, like writing for you.
So there you have it, you know a bit more about me than maybe you needed to, although I’ve really only scratched the surface. I’m fundamentally shy and with that comes a whole lot of sensitivity and fragility but it also comes with compassion and strength. It’s a part of me I’ve learned to love, respect and nourish in the unique ways it requires of me. So excuse me if I crawl into an introverted cave of bliss at times, it’s just me recharging my spiritual batteries.
One more thing, I wrote a blog last week with tips on how to get over jet lag the healthy way. I was in the midst of my shy-bernation so I didn’t feel like sharing it with you. Sorry about that, hope it’s helpful to you the next time you travel!
So I guess my question for you would be, does shyness play any role in your life? Hope I’m not alone…
You Might Also Like:
GIRL…this is SO brave!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! I feel like I was reading your diary. Thank you for sharing such a tender and vulnerable place inside yourself. It’s amazing what you’ve built, in the face of all your shyness. I imagine that it must feel like you are ALWAYS going beyond your comfort zone and I have some much respect for you for doing it.
Sometimes our cause, our bigger desires and goals become bigger than ourselves and our fear. I think you’re modeling that beautifully right now. Openness for the sake of a better world!
Thank you for letting us all in, and thank you for being you.
Much love
Sally
Ahhh Sally, I love you. Your bravery inspires me to be more brave.
It definitely does ALWAYS feel like I’m going beyond my comfort zone but I’ve certainly learned you have to feel the fear and do it anyway. So that’s what I try to do, not always easy for sure!
Thanks for your support and for being an awesomely brave role model!
xoxo
Liz, I love you for sharing this. Well, I loved you before, but now I love you even more.
I wouldn’t say I’m shy (though I was), but I am HIGHLY introverted. There are days (and I do mean days in a ROW) that I refuse to answer my phone and depending on who (and why) some one wants to schedule a call with me, I typically avoid it at all costs! Send me an email though and we’ll be BFFs.
For me a lot of it is that I’m very passionate, very deep and very big on changing the world. So most of the time I feel isolated in social situations and with small talk. I have a near zero tolerance level for meaningless, superficial or pointless conversation so I really am not very social unless it’s with the right people. And I go through waves… For some reason, I’m fairly consistent on Facebook, but Twitter? I’ll disappear and just not want to post!!
I’ve also learned to love and respect this part of me. I don’t HAVE to be social. I don’t HAVE to tweet. I don’t HAVE to be a phone person. I’ve also learned to ration my energy. Sometimes three things will fall on one day and I’ll skip one of them because I know that it will leave me useless for days to tackle them all. And I don’t do a lot of calls or outings in a row because again, I’ll be useless.
I think that’s key. Learning to space out the times you have to exert energy and be “out there” on display.
You are a strong and beautiful woman! Thank you for sharing this! xo
Stephenie, thank you for sharing all of that. Now I LOVE you even more (cause you know I loved you already too!). I know EXACTLY what you mean about not wanting to get on the phone. Funny that you prefer Facebook to Twitter though, I’m the opposite, Twitter feels so much safer to me for some reason.
It’s so funny that you mention rationing energy, I thought I was the only person who needed to do that. I find that things wipe me out in ways they don’t wipe other people out, especially social outings. I have to set serious limits or I’m also “useless” for days. My contest wiped me out for a good month!
Thanks for sharing lady and for coming into my life
I did read your post over on Crazy Sexy Life and it made me feel so good because I’m the same way! If I was more outgoing, I bet I’d be all over the place and experiencing so much more than I have already. At the same time, I’d probably never have written a book and, well… I’d just be a completely different person. And, at the end of the day, I like who I am. The things I don’t like at the moment, I know are temporary and I do my best to change them and will when the time comes that I can.
I’ve noticed that, when I do share very personal things about myself on Four Leaf Clover, I get some of the most positive, helpful, and encouraging feedback. There really is nothing to fear and we should be the best version of ourself that we can possibly be.. shyness and all.
I think you are beyond brave and inspirational for doing SO much with how shy you say you are (and if you never wrote that post and this post about being shy, I’d NEVER have guessed)!
Eva, I had a feeling we were cut from the same cloth!! I can now say that I too like who I am, shyness and all, but it took most of my life to get to this place and a lot of dumping of negative thoughts (that’s always a work in progress of course, but I’ve come a long way…).
So funny that you’d never have guessed. I always feel like it seeps into everything but I’ve had other people tell me the had no clue too. Guess I hid it better than I thought. But hiding who I really am is exhausting in and of itself. I’ve definitely come a long way and I’m not as shy as I once was but I still feel it all the time. It’s like my shadow, it ain’t going no where, no matter how extroverted I can now be at times.
So glad we’re connected, shy online girls unite
Liz – thanks for your reply! Completely agree about it being a work in progress. I may be very open online and with friends and family, but it’s a whole ‘nother story with new people. I’m just trying to think positively about school and not worry about what my shyness will do when I get there, for example. Taking a course I’m extremely passionate about should definitely help, though.
There’s this one application on Facebook that I used to have called “Honest” or something of the sort. People write to you what they honestly think of you anonymously (now that I’m writing this out, it sounds dangerous.. luckily I didn’t have any mean people on my FB). One person wrote back that I’m fun to be around, but can be really insecure. That really surprised me and I realized that I didN’T know everything about myself and that others see things I don’t.
Reading about your adventures and how you’ve grown just within the past few years really does help me.. you’re an inspiration for shy girls everywhere! I mean.. look at you – you have your own business! I’m so glad that we were able to meet (even if it is just online) as well.
Thanks for saying that Eva, means so much to me! Ditto back to you, you wrote a book, blog for One Green Planet, and have your own wonderful blog. You’re also an inspiration!
That “Honest” application does sound dangerous. Don’t think I could risk that one! Way too sensitive. It is always interesting to hear how other people view us. It’s always so different from how we view ourselves. But of course, sometimes those people are seeing things that aren’t really there too. I was incredibly insecure my whole life, finally I feel more comfortable in my own skin (though I certainly still have my moments, many of them!).
We should start an online shy girl network
Thank you, Liz.. it’s nice to know someone sees me as an inspiration. : )
So true.. often times people fill in the blanks, but don’t know the half of it.
Hah.. if we did that, many might be too shy to join! ; )
Wow. It’s as if you were reading MY diary. We are very similar. Attorney? Check. Animal lover? Check. Shy? Check. Introverted? Check. Starting an online business separate from the law? Check. Refusing to join facebook until I started my business? Check. My point: I soooo hear what you are saying. My biggest struggle with starting my online business is putting myself out there. Especially to the people that already know me. But you are right that there are strengths in these traits as well. Happy to have a new friend to walk with as we continue to challenge ourselves. Thanks for sharing.
WOW Tina!! We are VERY similar!!! Well we’d certainly get a long fabulously. It’s definitely nice to know we’re not alone in our fears. Makes it easier to just feel it and do it anyway.
So curious as to what business you’re starting! You certainly have my support. Glad to have a new friend who gets all this as well. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
Hello fellow introvert. i have finally owned that label “shy” and am proud to be a sensitive individual – a big help to me was checking out Carol Tuttle’s energy profiling “Dressing Your Truth” – I am a classic “Type 2″ – those of us who feel we are overwhelmed by too much interaction and go about things in a soft, subtle way. You are an inspiration! Introverts are outnumbered in an extrovert world – but we are essential – we are the calming, quiet, insightful healers.
Thanks for your post!
Hi Moreen! Always nice to hear from a fellow shy gal. I’ve never heard of Dressing Your Truth, I’ll have to check it out. I love that, “the calming, quiet, insightful healers”. I spent a lot of my life thinking that extroverts are the winners and introverts are somehow damaged or flawed but now I’m with you, we have our own essential qualities that keep the world balanced. And we have strengths in less obvious places that are beautiful. Thanks for your comment!
True, you’re on the shy side. But it’s part of your charm, and I think it’s also what draws so many people to you. You’re so loved and you have so many friends, and I think that alone is worth celebrating, because there are probably shy people out there who might have trouble reaching out to and connecting with others. And after 25 years of knowing you (yes, this is that Lauren), I feel I can definitively say that your perception of yourself (much like anyone’s perception of herself or himself), probably prevents your recognizing or even, sometimes, remembering, the things you’ve accomplished that contradict the quality you think is most dominant. You survived playing Dorothy when we were 11–and shined!–and you’re surviving this new adventure with just as much aplomb and shine. It’s exciting to watch you. The world has enough overly-extroverted people. As much as it spotlights those folks, it has room for, and quietly celebrates and gives thanks for, people like you. Yay for shyness! Also, I’m totally going to get to that email I owe you soon…
Lauren, I love you, thank you for writing that. It’s so true, I definitely often see things through my tainted goggles which prevents me from seeing the things that contradict what I feel is my identity. I know I do it too, but it’s hard to get the goggles off!
So true, the world has so many super extroverted people. They can have all the spotlight they want. I’ll happily live in the shadows any day!
YAY for shyness!!
xoxo
Aw, I love you, too, and I should mention, this is advice I can easily preach but far less easily follow myself. But you’re clearly showing that practice helps when you’re trying to overcome things, so that’s a great example! And you’re also already demonstrating that the qualities we think are our weaknesses, are instead neutral, and often worth embracing. Keep up all the awesome work.
Hi Liz,
) and she started asking me to sing something. I’m not that type of singer. I don’t burst into song on request. And she kept pushing me which really only makes me more sure that I really really won’t do it. Finally she said, “Come on Jessica, do something different for once. Step out of yourself!” That really struck me and bothered me profoundly. I wanted to respond, “Why don’t you do something different for once and let me be?!” But I didn’t. I had already gotten into an argument earlier with my cousin over lunch when she declared (knowing full well that I’m a vegetarian) that being a vegetarian is a useless and banal choice. I won’t get started on that.
I don’t know if you remember me. I’m one of Vanessa’s friends from Hastings. I’m intensely passionate about animal welfare as well and so she thought I’d be interested in what you’re doing. And I so so am! I love it all. And I loved this post. It felt like I was reading about myself. One thing that you didn’t mention that I’m assuming you must have felt at some time or another, is that people think that you must be unhappy as you are and secretly really want to be that bubbly effervescent person charming everyone in the room…that you couldn’t possibly be satisfied with yourself as you are. I remember a specific afternoon with my mother, my aunt, my cousins, and a friend of my mother’s. This friend of hers is one of the most outgoing and loudest people I know. And everytime I’m with her she tries to make me be something I’m not. This particular afternoon we were out on my aunt’s roof terrace after lunch. I happen to also be a singer (the only thing in my life that makes me overcome my shyness
Anyway, your post brought this to mind and I thought I’d share it. Why is it that people don’t understand that shyness isn’t a choice? It’s who I am, in the same way as I’m a brunette. And I’m perfectly happy as I am. I don’t wish to be different. I used to wish I could change it but, like you, I was finally able to embrace it not as a flaw but as a trait. And the more I grow the more I come to appreciate the other strengths it gives me. I am thankful that I’m not like my mother’s friend who, lost in her own exuberance, is often unable to perceive the feelings of others. Who knows what other subtleties of life she’s missing out on? I could go on and on and I’m sure we could have a long conversation about it all.
Jessica
PS: If your travels ever take you to Rome let me know. It would be great to meet up. And I could take you to the cat sanctuary I volunteer at and where I met my husband.
So thank you for posting this.
Jessica,
Of course I remember you!! I’m so glad you stopped by to leave a comment – thank you so much! I don’t know where to start! I’ve experienced everything you’re talking about, repeatedly. I even remember as young as kindergarten getting in trouble with a teacher because I literally wouldn’t speak one day, for whatever reason. She actually yelled at me and made me sit in the corner of the room! That’s one of the few memories of kindergarten I have, it was traumatizing to me! I just remember feeling like I couldn’t speak and so no matter how hard she tried, it just wasn’t going to happen.
I spent my whole life thinking that shyness was bad and yes, it definitely held me back on many occassions. Well, the anxiety that came with it held me back. It’s funny, now that I’ve embraced my shyness, the anxiety has lessened and so I don’t hold myself back as much as I used to. Resisting myself was the worst mistake.
As far as your mother’s friend goes, I can’t lie, I really can’t stand people like that. I would not want to deal with her at all. I’ve learned that you really have to surround yourself with people who let you be you, and positive people at that. Luckily we don’t have to be friends with everybody. And like you said, one of the BEST parts of being shy is how sensitive we are to how others are feeling. That is an invaluable characteristic that I wouldn’t change for the world and I honestly wish more people had it. I have a really hard time dealing with people who are completely oblivious to things like body language and subtle facial expressions. It seems like such a simple thing but some people really cannot read them even when they’re not subtle at all. When people don’t respect my boundaries I get extremely uncomfortable, because like you with your mom’s friend, I usual don’t want to say anything verbally, so I just deal with it and grow resentful! Not good!
And I think every super shy person has certain areas where suddenly their shyness dissipates. So awesome that yours is singing. I definitely have my areas where I can jump from awkward shy girl to fierce super Liz. I reserve fierce super Liz for very special occassions
Thanks so much for sharing Jessica!! We could talk about this FOREVER!!!!!!
Oh, girl, you know so well how I feel. Every time I keep putting myself out there…I keep hoping it gets easier. Some days it is, some it isn’t. I have been using this technique I learned from Ane: HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Each time I begin to feel that overwhelming shyness, I ask my self, Am I hungry (which most of the time the answer is yes!), angry, lonely, or tired. Most of the time I am hungry or tired. As introverts, we need to take care of these needs first before we can tackle the outside world. Usually I grab a snack before I meet with clients or take a nap in the afternoon if I know I have tons of work to do in the evenings. These are just some strategies that work for me…you know I will always talk about FOOD! love you, girl Thanks for your honesty and for being YOU.
Hi my shy sister sweet Lisa
I hear you, I keep hoping it gets easier too and it has in lots of ways but I also have my non-stop ups and downs with it. The more I talk to people about this stuff the more my energy level is making sense to me. Too many excursions and I am just wiped out. I always assumed it was probably a vitamin thing but now I’m really starting to get that it’s an emotional thing. Going to have to start trying that HALT method. Thanks for sharing and for being your wonderful self!! xoxo
[...] ← Introverted. Shy. Online Business Owner. [...]
I don’t think I realized until recently that I was actually shy (I just always felt like I didn’t fit in). All of the things you described in your Manifesto are a description of me! My husband thinks I’m outgoing (but that is just because I will always say hello to a dog and talk to their people!), and doesn’t me as shy – but I feel it every time I am in a group (like my yoga teacher training, or business meetings).
Thanks so much for this beautifully written post
Hi Julie!
I totally understand what you’re saying. I’m shy but I also love talking to people, will socialize at events once I’m comfortable, will also talk to dog owners on the street, etc., but when I’m in a group where I feel uncomfortable it’s really hard for me. There is definitely something about group settings that draw it out, I hate to have too many eyes focusing on me at one time. I’d much rather hide out in the back of the room. Even when I’m being social, I’m still shy, it will always be my core. Sounds like it might be the same for you. In the end, I’m just glad to no longer think of shyness as a curse, it’s beautiful in its own unique ways.
Thank you for your comment!
There is this online “guru” that told me more than once and all the rest of her followers that there is no place for shy business owners. She basically said to get over it! Clearly that was not the most helpful advice. I’m shy, but strong willed and I knew that there was a place for me.
I too straddle the comfort zone line, stepping out as “I” feel the time is right.
I read your CSL post, love your business and new website. Best wishes always-xo!
Pennie
Hey Pennie,
Thanks so much for sharing. I think the 3 words most associated with shyness are “get over it”, which now drives me nuts. I think there’s no place for business owners who try to be something they’re not so the best thing to do is to embrace who you are and use it. Accepting my shyness and somewhat introverted nature has given me more positive results, more creativity and ironically less fears than when I used to fight so hard against it.
Your jewelry line is just beautiful.
XO
[...] friendship {the good ones, and the bad}. About embracing moments. About following my heart. About acting despite fears. About living with compassion and being bold. About never giving up. About taking chances and [...]